The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly of Referrals

There is an undeniably good feeling when you get a referral especially when it comes by way of one of your favorite clients or a respected colleague. It’s quite the complement to be referred. And while some send a thank you note or referral gift in appreciation for each referral those are really extras and shouldn’t determine who gets a referral and who does not. When the question of who is the best person to do this or that comes into the conversation the referrer shouldn’t lead with which kickback gift or commission they will earn but an honest answer of who can accomplish the service or who sells a particular product.

Referral Protocol

There has been much discussion across the ‘Net about how referrals should be given. Several prominent options are:

1. First ask if the company is accepting new clients then make email introductions.
2. Make an email introduction but then also follow up to see if each person connected.
3. Share your insights via email or phone about why you think such-and-such company should be contacted and allow the person seeking the service or product to reach out on their own…in their own time.
4. Ask around on forums and among colleagues for who does X and then make the referral based on the replies collected.

I generally will choose number two (without following up to make sure they connected – they don’t need me for that) or three depending on the person asking and who I intend to refer. Much depends on who is asking for the referral. I rarely have the free time to do four, after all, I am running my business and working on client projects not acting as a placement agency.

While it seems like a professional and polite thing to make an email introduction there are people who want the referral name but may have also asked their friends for referrals. While they are collecting options and if you send an email introduction to each jointly the person may suddenly have the referral business replying to the email introduction ready to initiate a consultation or start the conversation about what is being sought before the person is ready to begin the discussion.

I have been on both sides of this exchange – as the referrer introducing two business professionals that I thought could complement each other’s services and I have been the person asking around to then suddenly get the eager beaver email from someone ready to pounce on the opportunity to do business with me.

For the latter, I wasn’t ready to set up a call or even sure if I wanted to do business with them but I was suddenly on their radar and they were committed to the pursuit.

I like to know who does something. Then I like to check them out online, read their testimonials, and perhaps even reach out to someone who gave a testimonial to ask a question or gauge if they still use the product or service long before I contact someone.

After these experiences I’ve adapted. When someone asks for a referral I ask if they would like an email introduction or would like to reach out on their own. That answer determines everything.

When I’ve been in the same position I get turned off when someone won’t give me their referral’s contact info but insists on doing the introduction email. I like to check out someone before contacting but I realized afterwards the reason the person insisted so strongly about being the introducer was that they wanted to get acknowledgement for the introduction. Again, that circles back to them getting commission or a thank you gift for the referral. That felt icky and disingenuous, as if their wants were more important or dictated who they referred. Perhaps that’s an unfair assessment but its how it felt, at that time with that specific referrer.

How a Referral Can Go Terribly Wrong

At first glance you probably don’t think twice about a referral going wrong. Some of my horror stories include:

• Getting an email afterwards from the person referring me with questions about why I quoted what I did when they trusted me to give their friend X price and specifically named services. The answer: Each quote is custom. Due to confidentiality reasons I won’t discuss with a referrer the specifics of what a prospective client has disclosed nor the background that determined which levels of support and services we concluded would accomplish the stated goals and needs. While the person referring me may think they know what a prospective client needs unless they are privy to what comes out during our discovery call they are guessing.
• Getting an email from the referrer following up to make certain we connected.  This seems a bit much. It’s unnecessary to act as a parent and make sure everyone followed through. One party or the other may not have felt a connection with what they read on the other’s website and chose to go in another direction. Once the referral is given it’s not necessary to follow up with either party to make sure they talked or scheduled an appointment.
• Having the referring person want to “interview” me first so they can tell their friend about me and what rates I’d charge. Umm, no. I’m not interested in talking with anyone but the end client. I don’t care how well you think you know your friend/colleague/client. I work directly with them in most cases. The referring person and I may get along fabulously but the prospective client and I simply may not see eye-to-eye. I am interviewing a prospective client as fully as they are interviewing me.
• And lastly, getting a reprimanding email from someone seeking a referral name that didn’t turn out to be a good match for their friend/client. With any referral the end client must do their due diligence to meet and screen the company they hope to do business with. No two projects are the same. Personalities can come into play. Expectations can vary. And all sorts of variables can be taken into account. When a colleague didn’t know anyone who did X and asked me if I happened to know someone that they could pass the name along to their client I did know someone that I had worked with and was happy with the work done for me. I didn’t anticipate that I would get a terse email saying my referral wasn’t up to their expectations for these reasons and the laundry list followed. Since then I won’t offer any names to that person. Who’s to say which side didn’t meet expectations?

Referrals Made Easy

When someone asks who you know that does something make it easy for them and you:

1. Give them the name and contact information. Include the person’s full name, business name, website URL, and email address; if you have all of that. If you’re referring you should have the first three items without a doubt.
2. Next, tell this person if you’ve used their service or product OR if you know the person you’re referring by name and reputation only. It’s okay to refer someone that you haven’t used and know only by reputation or know as someone who has worked successfully with one of your clients. Be clear in expressing why you’re mentioning this person as someone who does X.
3. Ask the person seeking the referral if they would like to be introduced or would like to reach out on their own.
4. State to the person you’re giving the referral to that you aren’t familiar with the other person’s availability or client openings because chances are you truly are not. Additionally, you don’t want to tell someone they have an opening when you’re not privy to knowing they have open proposals with any number converting at any time. You also don’t want to inadvertently commit the person you’re referring to working with this prospective client if that person doesn’t feel they are a good match for the services being sought.
5. If you’re comfortable in stating that if something doesn’t work out that you will help them search for another person(s) that is a candidate for the service then say so. Before doing this, ask yourself what you get out of investing your time towards their searches instead of allowing them to do this on their own? There’s a fine line to being helpful and getting more involved than is truly necessary.

In the end it’s important to remember that referrals are simply suggestions of people who provide a service or sell a product that has been inquired about. Often these people have provided the same service or product to the person you’re discussing this with. A referral is great when you don’t know anyone or can serve as a starting point to meeting someone who does what you’re searching for. It is up to you to determine if this business is the one you should give your business to.

On the flip side, if you’re the service provider you also must do your screening steps to review if this client is someone you would like to work with and someone who can see the value of your services or products and reap benefits from what your business has to offer.