A Tale of the Scary Client Who Never Nearly Was

In the spirit of Halloween I’m going to share a tale of the scary client who never nearly was. Sitting in my office late one night with only a single lamp casting a long light across some scattered papers I hear a bing announcing an email was ready to be read. My eyes glanced at the time. 8:07pm. Hmm. Someone referred to me by one of my favorite clients. Seems they need a top shelf VA – an odd phrasing of words when you usually hear top notch or top rate I thought but I did fit the description – for email management and calendar management.

My eyes slid across the 23 words on the screen fully recognizing the name of the sender from around the ‘Net and wondering if I was staring at my next client. Little did I know what was to take place in the next 33 hours would have my head spinning and my blood boiling.

As the dawn broke into vibrant hues of pink and orange I was warming my hands around a cup of hot cocoa trying to shake the chill from standing at the bus stop with my son and reading over the inquiry from the night before. I’d done my research to learn a bit more about this prospect and was ready to start the sales dance.

You know the sales dance, right? Depending on the partner it can be fast like the quick-step and you hope no one’s toes get stepped on. Or, it can be bouncy and bump along like a jazz routine full of awkward pauses and 3s and 4s from the sideline judges. I much prefer the waltz that glides along with a pause to strike a majestic pose just before a thundering applause and a perfect 10 from both sides to signal a great working relationship has been agreed upon.

As my finger hovered over the Send button I silently whispered a prayer that we’d be a good fit of skills meeting need meeting great person to work with. If only I’d known the person on the other side wasn’t anything like the online persona of webinars, books, or interviews as I’d known them. In time, their authentic, perhaps split-personality would reveal itself but would I be able to handle it with professionalism? Time will tell.

When the reply came in a chill went up my spine as I read words not resembling anything in the original inquiry. Words that described positions held by…sales representatives…lead generators…script followers…lead calling…and customer service agents not words traditionally associated with managing email or a calendar. Words marketing virtual assistants connect with the results of successful marketing efforts, after all, marketing comes before sales. Marketing is done long before it’s time to close the deal and lead up to the conversion. The processes and tactics are different without crossover. Marketing is the bones. Sales: the meat on the bone. And conversions, well, these are the gravy.

With a sigh an email was volleyed back suggesting another virtual assistant or placing an RFP at one of the trusted industry organizations. As the screensaver of swimming fish materializes across the monitor it’s presumed the chapter has closed for this one until…

Bing.

The bold words on the screen practically screamed, “These areas ARE email management and admin work. No sales involved. Can you please provide your pricing?” The rest of the words blurred together.

Wow. So harshly different than the gentle voice of webinars-past, I slowly re-read the phrases with puzzlement at the response. Not comprehending what’s brought on the anger. Why the push for me when many others could fit the bill?

Another email is sent further explaining these requests are outside the provided services. Another sigh escapes from parted lips, this time with relief, because we clearly aren’t connecting in vision or definition of services. A sea of red flags are popping up in my mind. Signals of what’s to come, what has been diverted. Whispers of headaches looming on the horizon of what could have been – had this conversation happened after pricing was discussed, after a signed agreement.

Bing.

With all pleasantries stripped and an apparent chip on the shoulder the words jumped from the page to declare, no, INSIST, that I remove email management and calendar management from my Services page – complete with a screenshot of the page – because I don’t truly provide these services.

Am I being punked? Twilight zone? What?!? Why would someone be argumentative AND insist on working together?

As the minutes and hours passed I opted out of a newsletter subscription and un-followed on social media accounts because this well-recognized name on the ‘Net clearly isn’t  the same in webinars as who had hoped to conduct business with my business. It felt phony. It felt callous and arrogant re-reading the email and was agreed upon when the words were shared with a trusted colleague.

In the end the client isn’t always right. Regardless of what the best customer service experts suggest you can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t ever attempt to. These are the types that need to be shown the door.

In the end it is possible to maintain professionalism, demonstrate great customer service, and walk away without compromising your business model while sending a polite final email reply. It must be a full moon…somewhere.

After all, there are many appreciative, respectful clients waiting just around the bend, far away from the direction in which the cold harsh wind blows.

You may wonder is my tale true…or something of made-up fireside stories? I’ll only say truth is often stranger than fiction.