How honest do we need to be in business? Immediately many would answer “100%!” In reality, many actually skew or filter this response and with justified reasons.
Time and time again I see someone posting with a request to check out their self designed and created website to get some honest (FREE) feedback, or review an article or press release, or review a marketing piece. While they may ask for an honest critique what they really want (and hope for) is affirmation of a job well done. Unfortunately, if being 100% factual there are usually areas that could stand some improvement. Face it, there’s always something that can be enhanced for better functionality, better clarity, or better conversions.
Instead of getting the information they seek, in reality colleagues are hesitant to give 100% honest feedback because they don’t want to damage their relationship, they don’t realize by sugarcoating something that they are omitting pieces and thereby lying to you, and they simply want to be supportive of you.
Finding the Honesty Balance
How I’ve learned to negotiate through a request for feedback is to ask someone how honest they want me to be. I follow that up by explaining that my feedback may include both positive negative points but it’s all intended to make the piece better and that this information is never a reflection on the person presenting it.
I understand that the author of the piece is often the presenter but it’s necessary to separate ourselves from such things. It’s essential to look at the larger picture. If we hired a virtual assistant to provide this critique wouldn’t you want this business to do its job – to point out any areas that are below par? I would. I work hard for my money and I want to seek out those who are ready to lay it on the line with honest feedback. I want those in my corner who want to put me and my business in the best light possible. I never want to go out into public with egg on my face or my best work outside my grasp.
Getting What You’re Seeking
After you ask that magic question, follow it up by letting them know that a bad critique may feel harsh but it’s this tough love approach that will bring out the best in the project. Because as a society we’re conditioned to take into mind another’s emotional feelings even with the most brutally honest assessments things go unspoken. For these situations ask these questions:
- What would take this from good to fantastic?
- What do you dislike the most about [name the item here]?
- Would you personally act on this offer? Buy this item or service?
- If you could promote this item/service/offer, would you jump in with both feet – wholeheartedly, no hesitations?
- And when the feedback comes back to you ask yourself, “What hasn’t the feedback person said about this piece? What’s being avoided or omitted?”
In the end, you may be seeking praise or you may be ready for honest feedback. Neither are wrong but each have their own unique purposes.
So true… recently had someone I partner with ask for an evaluation of an RFP to a “big” client and long term work. I found spelling and grammar errors and no formatting in the email (i.e. a more professional table insert to structure the strategic marketing plan being asked for). It was a given that there was a time crunch in submitting the RFP but an extra 1/2 hour would have provided a more professional polished RFP. The reaction to my evaluation from my partner was defensive and negative. Had I followed some of your suggestions above, their reaction might have been quite different.
Thanks for commenting, Diane. It’s been a hard lesson to learn over the years so my suggestions come via the school of hard knocks and life lessons learned. I see these types of requests come through forums over and over again. Perhaps if the request were being solicited to someone’s inner circle the feedback would be better received. I don’t know.
Being so detail oriented (I’m just hard-wired this way) I often notice small in-consistencies or ways to fine-tune something. Everything’s pointed out to bring out the best just as you did with the RFP. I’m sorry your colleague didn’t recognize the gift you gave them…which could be a determining factor in receiving the work being bid or not.
At any rate, asking first has helped in my experience plus it opens the doors for some good discussion.
Amen Sister,
I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment, especially as I am known to provide direct and sometimes what may seem critical responses to such requests, especially when I begin a new coaching relationship with someone.
Before we even begin our first session, I inform students that I am very direct, anything I say is not to be taken personally or intended to hurt their feelings. But, in providing my honest assessment my intention is to, first, have the individual evaluate the issue from a different perspective and open their minds to alternative solutions. I believe that once you have an open mind, most are receptive to alternative suggestions.
I realize some responses need to be “tempered”, but if the person is really seeking honesty, they should then appreciate it when someone is honest (even though it may seem hurtful at the time).
If it is your intent to really help and support the individual, you may have to provide a dose of “tough love” so they can snap out of whatever is holding them back, and your honest critique may be the stiff kick in the butt they need.
Most excellent post, Ruth. I appreciate your honesty and approach.
Hi Ruth…
This is tough…and I totally understand and hear you. I often ask the one asking for my “opinion” what is it that they are looking from me: if its good, interesting, structure, spelling, grammar…etc. because I’m also one to look for for all the previously mentioned and in return find out that IS NOT what they were looking for…OOPS!!…
Visiting from SITS.
Be Blessed <3
Christine: Those are great questions to pose, Christine. Honing in specificially on what type of critique is being sought is precisely how to give feedback with worth. Thanks for sharing that additional tip.
Pebbles: Thanks so much.
Sharon: Ah, yes, tempering the remarks is essential. Giving feedback with the spirit of kindness is a must.